Chapter 1: Damned If You Do…

 

 

HIGHER HELL

Chapter 1: Damned If You Do…

 

It was an average day in Hell.

You know.

Hot, firey, lots of screaming souls.  The usual.

Nothing special.

I sat staring at my favorite fire, like I always do. You know, in all the millennia I’ve been watching it, I don’t think the flames have ever lapped and flickered and fluttered the same way twice. I should know.

My name is Casmiel, by the way. I’m a demon. So obviously, I know the fires of Hell inside and out.

Well, at least my favorite one anyway.

An eternity of sitting on my ass being bored.  That’s what Hell was for me.

Until my buddy, Gamygyn, approached me (and my fire) through the smoke and ash on this boringly average day.

“Casmiel. How are you?”

I shrugged.

“Same shit, different millennium.”  I replied.

Gamygyn frowned a bit and nodded.

He’s a pretty cool guy, Gamygyn. One of my oldest friends.  Long, shiny black hair, blind looking milky eyes, embers smoldering in the feathers of his ash colored wings. Always so serious though. It might be Hell, but lighten up for Christ’s sake.

“What have you been doing lately, Casmiel?”

“Nothing. Just sittin’ here. Why?”

He gave me a look like he wasn’t sure he believed me.

“Come on,”  I said.  “You’ve known me long enough to know I don’t do much of anything.  Ever.”

In fact, I’ve got a pretty good streak of doing nothing going. It’s probably a record.

“Well, I think you may be in trouble, Casmiel.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Me?  What the hell gives you that idea?”

“The Big Guy wants to see you.” he answered darkly.

“The Big Guy? Me?  Why would he want to see me?”

I don’t think I’d spoken two words to him since we landed in this hole. What could he want with me after all this time?

“I don’t know,”  Gamygyn said, looking a little concerned.  “He just told me to tell you he wants to see you in the Throne room.”

Damn it.

I was enjoying just lounging here. I hate having to go anywhere.

I’m a lazy demon.

“Fuck. Well, I guess it wouldn’t be good to keep him waiting. Especially if I’m in trouble.”  I grumbled.

Don’t know why I would be. I ain’t done anything.

I got up and started for the Throne room.

“Aren’t you going to rematerialize?”  Gamygyn asked.

I could’ve just transported myself there instantly and rematerialized at the Throne room.  But that would take too much concentration.  Too much effort.

“Nah.  I’ll walk.”

Gamygyn tagged along with me.  I imagine his curiosity was getting the better of him.

Hmm.

Satan. Lucifer. Beelzubuth. Mephistoph- Mestifof- Metifstosofleas- Whatever the hell Humans are calling him these days.

The Big Guy.

The reason we’re all here.

As Gamygyn and I walked, we passed a lot of stuff that might interest anybody else.

But not us.

Fire, brimstone, tormented souls, other demons.

Same old, same old.

I should wear something that says ‘I spent an eternity in Hell and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.

Sigh.

Life’s a bitch for a fallen angel.

That’s what we are, after all. Before we were demons, we were angels.  But, shit happened and, what can I say, I got drawn into the losing side of an argument.

The Argument.

Worst part was, I wasn’t even that interested in the whole deal.

I was a lazy angel, too.

So here I am, spending eons staring at a fire, trying really hard to not try hard at anything.

And on my way to see the Big Guy.

What in Hell could he want with me?

It’s not like I’m good at anything. And he doesn’t summon anyone for just a casual chat. Not me anyway.

“Watch yourself, Cas.”  Gamygyn said.

“Huh?  What-  Eeeew!  What the fuck!?”

As we passed the opening of a cavernous chamber, a pair of hands reached out for me.

“HELP ME!  PLEASE, HELP ME!”

A Human soul.

I don’t know if it was male or female. It’s body was charred and cracked. Blood and puss oozed from the fissures in the blackened flesh. It’s eyes were wide and bulging.

The soul’s hands scrabbled at the rocky, ash covered floor. It screamed as another demon sunk his claws into its legs and dragged it back.

“Sorry ’bout that.” The demon apologized without looking at me.

I shuddered.

I hate those things. The Human souls. Disgusting. I usually stay as far away from them as possible.

Gamygyn and I peered inside.

It was a whole bunch of medieval witch hunters being burned at the stake over and over again. They must’ve been at it for five hundred years or more. And they still didn’t get it.

Hmph.

Like I said, same old shit.

“Give that one an extra kick in the ass for me.” I called to the demons inside.

One of them gave me a quick thumbs up and went back to piling more wood on the fire.

If it ain’t bad enough I gotta get up and go see the Big Guy, I gotta have a filthy sould try to put it’s hands on me too.

This is shaping up to be a really shitty day.

We rounded a corner and saw the Throne room looming ahead of us.

Big fucking doors!

I’d never realized just how enormous the skull encrusted doors to the Throne room were.  Actually, I don’t think I’d ever been this close to it before. Never needed to.

We stopped and looked up at the doors.

“Um,…Do we knock on the Devil’s door? Or do we just walk in?”  I asked.

It’s not like there was a sign, ‘Walk-ins Welcome’ or ‘Please wait to be seated’. Not even a ‘Ring bell for service’.

Before Gamygyn could reply, the doors slowly opened on their own with an appropriately foreboding moan.

“Well, here we go.”

“What do you mean we?”  Gamygyn blanched.  “He wants to see you.  I’ll just wait outside.”

“Gee, thanks.”  I muttered.

I started up the long path to the Throne. It was lined by about a dozen or so demon monks (yeah, we have those) all in black robes, hoods hiding their faces, and holding flaming torches. They were muttering something in unison. I couldn’t make it out.

What a job they have! Hate to be them.

There was the Throne.

All bones and jagged looking rock. Didn’t look very comfortable. If I was supreme ruler of the Underworld, I’d have something comfy that let me put my feet up.

But the Throne was empty.

He calls me all the way here out of the blue, and he’s not even here to meet me? He can’t be that pissed if he’s in no hurry to see me.

What am I doing here?

I should be taking a nap in front of my fire taking a nap right about now.

“Casmiel. At last.”

He came strolling in from a side chamber near the Throne.

The Big Guy. Satan.

He wasn’t that big really. Just normal size. But you could feel the power coming off him. He wore a plain black priest’s cassock that covered him to the ankles. I could see his hooves though. He’s got the legs of a goat. The hooves click-clacked on the stone floor as he walked towards me.

His skin really is red like Humans seem to think. Not bright red though.  He just looks like he’s got a sunburn. Goat-like horns poked out through his thick wavy black hair.

“You could have been here much sooner. Why didn’t you rematerialize? Why do you make your Master wait?”

I shrugged.

Because I didn’t want to come, of course. But I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“You have no ambition at all, do you Casmiel?” He said with a faint smirk as he sat himself on the Throne.

“No, not really.” No point denying that.

The Big Guy sat there staring at me for a long moment with those piercing powerful eyes.

It was more than a little disconcerting.

And I was already bored.

“You have never gone forth to serve me, Casmiel. You have never done anything in service of me. In fact, I’m told you do nothing but stare at a fire forever.”

Hey, don’t bring my fire into this.

“Why don’t you serve you Master, Casmiel?”

I shrugged.

“Not much I can really do, I guess.”

“You sell yourself short. You have as much power to serve as anyone does.”

Yeah, sure.

I didn’t like where this was going.

“Yes, Master. I’ll try harder from now on.”

“No.”

Okay, now he looked pissed.

I really didn’t like where this was going now.

“Yes, Master. What would you have me do?”

Nothing big I hope.

He smiled.

Oh, shit. This isn’t going to be good.

“You’ve never been to the World of the Living, have you?”

Oh, no! Oh, no no no no no!

You’ve got to be kidding!

“In fact, I understand that you alone of all the creatures in my realm have never been to the Human World. Why is that?”

Why do you think?

“Well, um…I guess I just havn’t been that interested in Livies.  I mean, the Living.”

That was an understatement!

Truth is, Livies creep me out. Running around doing all the crazy shit they do. They just bug me.

“I think it would do you good to visit the Living.  That’s why I’m sending you on a mission to their World.  It’s time you took an interest in Humans, Casmiel.  After all, they are the reason we are here,”  the Big Guy said, gesturing at the surroundings.  “ There is a man whose soul belongs to Hell. He has become a very powerful man. A criminal among criminals. A murderer, thief, liar, a sinner second to none. You will retrieve his soul and bring it to Hell for punishment. It will make me very happy, Casmiel. And then you may return to your little fire if you wish.”

Well, what could I do?

“Yes, Master. I will bring you his soul.”

“Very good,”  he grinned.  “Aluriel will have the details for you.”

The Big Guy rose from his Throne and the doors opened on their own again.

Guess I was dismissed.

I turned and started back down the path between the monks in a much worse mood than when I came.

“And Casmiel.”

I stopped in my tracks.

Now what?

I turned in time to see him click-clacking his way back into the side chamber.

“Don’t fail me.”

Great. That’s me told.

The big fucking skull covered doors slammed shut behind me with an echoing BOOM.

Damn it damn it damn it.

Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?

So I hadn’t done anything to “serve” him. Big deal. I hadn’t done anything wrong either. I wasn’t trying to sneak back into Heaven or anything like that. I gave up hope of ever going back there a long time ago.

Besides, Heaven might be more comfortable than Hell, but it was really just as boring.

Why’s he got to pick on me?

“How’d it go?”  Gamygyn asked.

“He sent me on a mother fucking mission.”  I said.

His milky eyes grew wide.

“A mission? What kind of mission could he have for you?”

“I gotta go collect a soul from the Human World.”

Gamygyn was dumbstruck for a moment. He stared open mouthed at me, his ashy wings twitching.

“But you’ve never even been to the World of the Living. Why send you?”

“He says I haven’t served him enough.”  I said with a roll of my eyes.

His eyebrows arched and he nodded solemnly.

“That is true, you know, Casmiel. But this seems a rather harsh way to make you start.”

“Tell me about it.”

Gamygyn walked with me to the Gates.

The Gates of Hell.  You’ve heard of them, I’m sure.

As we walked, he kept throwing me little sideways glances and then shaking his head.

Yeah, I didn’t believe it either.

We approached the Gates and the gatekeeper, Aluriel, came out to meet us.

Aluriel had a big flaming bull’s skull for a head and the thick legs of a bull. A big ass key hung from a chain on his belt. I gave Aluriel a half-hearted wave.

“Cas! Gamygyn! What’re you guys doin’ out this way? Lost or somethin’?”

“I wish.”  I said.   ”How’s it goin’, Al?”

“Can’t complain, can’t complain,”  he said.  “ Ain’t seen you in eons. You been sittin’ in front of a fire all this time?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“So what brings you two out here?”

“Casmiel has a mission in the World of the Living.” Gamygyn informed him.

Aluriel looked at us both for a moment.

“Ah hah ha ha ha ha haaah!”

Flames shot out of his nose when he laughed. They blew back Gamygyn’s long shiny black hair.

“Oh, good one, guys! Good one! Like Cas would ever go to the World of the Living! Nothin’ could get you outta Hell! Ha ha ha! Am I right?”

“I wish you were, Al, but the Big Guy really has sent me on a mission.”

Aluriel stared at me in shock, then turned to Gamygyn.

“He’s serious?”

“Dead serious.” Gamygyn replied darkly.

“Holy shit, Cas! What’d you do to piss the Big Guy off?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem.”  I said.

“Damn,” he said, shaking his horny head. “I was given info for somebody goin’ out, but I never woulda guessed it was for you!”

Aluriel fished a bony hand in a leather pouch on his hip. He pulled out a roll of parchment with a picture of a middle aged Human on it.

“Well, looks like you’re after a guy named Joseph Bianco. Ooooh, he’s a real piece of shit! Right now, you can find him at a night club he owns called La Villa Blue.”

“Joe Bianco. La Villa Blue.” I repeated, memorizing the picture. “Got it.”

“I can open the Gate so you’re pretty close to the place. You know what you’re gonna do then?”

Fuck no! I didn’t have a clue what I was doing!

“Um…Yeah, sure. No problem. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Aluriel looked at me like he didn’t buy a word of it.

Neither did I.

He shook his horny head again, took the big ass key from his belt, and stuck it in the Gate lock. With a loud clunk, it unlocked and swung open.

Gamygyn reached out his hand and shook mine.

“Good luck, Casmiel. I’ll keep an eye out for you in case you get into trouble.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

“Give ‘em hell, Cas.” Aluriel said.

“Yeah, thanks.”

I’m gonna need it.

I stepped through, and as he swung the Gate closed, I heard Aluriel mutter to Gamygym, “He won’t last five minutes out there.”

Thanks for the boost of confidence!

I looked down.

A city stretched out below me.  It was night, and the city was all lit up like it was scattered with bright little fires.

It made me think longingly of my fire.

Hopefully, I’d be back to my fire soon.

I took a deep breath, spread my big black, crow-like wings, and dove towards the city lights directly below.

“This is gonna suck.”